Conceive and Believe

Of all the forms of stress in today’s world, computer stress is the one that is on the rise the fastest. Computers are wonderful machines, but they can also stress out workers by their sometimes confusing demands, their constant presence and their simple inability to work properly. Thus, computer stress must be understood and it must find an outlet or computer users will find themselves even more stressed out than they already are.

The first thing to remember about computers is that they are machines. They do not have feelings, they do not respond to emotional appeals, they only do what they are told to do; nothing more and nothing less. Thus, you need to remember that just about anything that your computer does is probably something you told it to do. Sure, you may not have wanted to tell it to do something, but you told the computer to do it and that’s all it knows. You can save yourself a lot of computer stress by keeping this in mind.

The next thing you need to know in order to avoid computer stress is that computers are machines and, therefore, they will break down. That means that you need to keep backup copies of everything important. If you absolutely need a file, keep a copy on a floppy disk or on a CD. Hard drives are well known to just give out after a while (the average lifetime is about 4-5 years) and therefore you need to keep backups of everything you want to keep. If it’s important enough that you want a copy, it’s important enough to keep a backup copy. The sooner you remember to keep your computer’s failing in mind, the more stress free you will be.

Third, you need to protect your computer. On the most basic level, that means a surge protector. A power surge can quickly fry the delicate insides of a computer and suddenly realizing that you need a new computer is just about the worst computer stress of all.

As well, you need to protect your computer from outside interference. If your computer is hooked up to the Internet, protect it with a network firewall and anti-virus software. There are plenty of malicious hackers out there and they tend to enjoy watching people panic about their computers suddenly dying. These hackers write viruses and worms that can infect your machine and delete important files or send out malicious emails all on their own. You do not want to have your computer taken over like this. Save yourself from this sort of computer stress by keeping your system and your files secure from outside attackers.

Another way to protect your computer is to shut it down properly. Many people simply hit the power button without shutting down the machine first. This is a serious danger, as it can damage the delicate circuits of the computer. Run your computer through its shutdown system and wait until it either turns itself off, or it tells you that it is time to turn it off. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but it can damage your computer in the long run.

Computer stress can also simply arise from sitting in front of the silly thing so long that you realize you do not know what you are looking at any more. You know you need to get work done on the silly machine, but you haven’t gotten anything done and the deadline is looming and you need more time, but there isn’t any and… just slow down. If you are not getting anything done, they save yourself some computer stress by walking away. If you are at work, lock your screen and wander the hallways for a bit. If you are at home, get up and go make yourself a sandwich or something. Just walk away and you will save yourself a lot of stress over something that is really not a big deal.

One of the problems with living in the computer age is, simply, the computer. However, it is only a machine and you can learn to control it without it controlling you. Your computer is a tool no different than a hammer or a crowbar. So save yourself from computer stress and you won’t feel compelled to use a hammer or a crowbar on the computer that is supposed to make your life easier.

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“That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet “My name has to be the most Cliché of all. Though I have a beautiful name everyone expects me to be sweet.  A Rose Is a rose is a rose. Right? “Wrong!”

I am so tired of labels. Why must we place people into nice neat categories.” Look at that black man over there , I bet he is in a gang, lock your doors tonight!” or how about  “look at that woman over there , she is dressed pretty sexy. I bet she is easy.”

 It has gotten so bad that we do not even see the effect that these labels have on society. If you stand up for  women values then you must be a feminist , if you think the majority of men are pigs then you must be a lesbian , if you write erotica literature than you must be a tramp, if you have male friends then you must be cheating on your husband.

Let us look at more labels. How about the label lady, how many times have you heard someone say that a lady wouldn’t say that. Well who said I was a lady? How about the label administrator, administrators are supposed to be all business. There client can talk to them in any disrespectful manner that they please and the administrator is never to loose their cool. I admit someday when I receive those nasty emails I just want to tell them right where to go, thank God for delete.

.What about the gender label alone placed on Women? That all women are sex objects. Sorry I have more than breast and ovaries. I also have a brain. I don’t need to be half dressed and sell myself to get the message out there. Then there is the label that we put on men and women of a different race or religion. How many times have you discriminated against the entire country of Iraq because of their leader? What about those who live in Iraq who stand in support of no violence.

How about the label placed on overweight people? That kind of label alone can prevent overweight people from losing weight and result in low self esteem. Warning overweight people about the dangers to their health is one thing but labeling them is another.

How about the label on people who suffer from depression? The kind of label “nutcase” can result in the depressed person not seeking help with their depression as they don’t wish to be labeled crazy or a nutcase.

When did we start labeling everything and every person and force them into categories?


Let us look back to our high school days; we had Goths, punks, jocks, preps, nerds, head bangers, loners, floaters and geeks. I always wanted to be more popular and with the “in crowd” at school, but finally I realized there was no gold at the end of that rainbow. Let us look at some of those labels that we give people in high school. Those labels can stick with you right into adulthood.

Why are we so judgment and quick to label people? How do we stop? If all people are created in “God’s image”, why are we so quick to put down and judge what he has created? Maybe it is time we labeled our feelings towards others and not labeled them. Let us look at it once fat always fat, once a thief always a thief, once alcoholic always an alcoholic.

Let us face it people can change and some of these people don’t deserve these labels at all. When we label people we refuse to put faith in God and in people. It is time that we stop branding people. I encourage all to stop labeling people because as long as we have these labels we will have a judgmental society. We might as well bend over and let them put a large brand right on our behind.



“ A Rose Is a rose is a rose.” Well guess what this Rose has thorns and keep labeling me you’ll see how sweet I am. 

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Every person should enjoy life in abundance and prosperity, but unfortunately, too many of God’s people are living way below their potential. So many have health issues, broken relationships, and/or no money in their bank account.

Most of the these types of problems are the result of what is going on in the minds of those who experience them.

In everyone’s mind there are always at least three voices being heard, God’s, the devil’s, and your own flesh. Which voice you obey is based on your ability to discern (which is next week’s topic).

For now, you must understand that your mind is a battlefield. It’s where your decisions are made based on who’s direction you are following. Who’s direction you follow will ultimately determine where you end up.

In many self-help books, they say to always begin with the end in mind. That is, to have a mental picture of the way you would like for things to be. Now, I’m sure you have an idea of what you would like for your life to be, but how focused are you?

Are you focused at all? You see, it’s right there where the battle is won or lost! Satan will do everything in his power to deter you from the dream God has shown you. He wants to set up strongholds in your life to hold you in bondage due to a certain way of thinking. This certain way of thinking is causng you to not believe.

Understand that the devil is more focused on your dream than you are! And he is determined to keep you from it. If he can keep you from achieving your objectives, he doesn’t have to be as concerned about you interfering with his.

Your mind is a battlefield, and if you’re going to win, you got to know how the game is played.

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Growing up, as a child of the 60’s, peace, love and harmony were the words being chanted by the hippies, flower children and all who questioned authority and were against the Vietnam War. I remember thinking how I couldn’t wait to grow up. I knew in my young mind it was only a matter of time before these youthful rebels would age and mature and eventually be able to take their place in the world of politics and public opinion. With it, they would be able to change all the things they saw wrong with the “establishment” from a place of power and influence and not from the streets.

I recall my excitement, thinking what a wonderful world it will be, knowing that these brave crusaders were blazing a trail before me, their radical new views and opinions becoming a reality. And at that young age, I recognized I would be the first generation to reap the benefits of their efforts. I felt blessed to be born in such a historic time.

Wow, was I wrong.

Often I ask myself, where have all the flower children gone? Where are the young men and women who fought for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Where are the people who burned flags, bras and draft cards; who marched on college campuses and on Washington DC so their voices could be heard? I find it hard to believe the thoughts and values they fought so valiantly for have disappeared and are only a fond memory of a golden age gone by.

Over the past few months, this point has become painfully obvious. As I work with clients and talk with friends I hear the sound of hopelessness in their voices. They watch as gas and food prices soar. They gaze in disbelief as senseless violence escalates. They stand by helplessly as their jobs are moved overseas and their personal freedoms are taken away one-by-one. In the end, they are left feeling impotent because they are unable to control the path their lives are taking and feel powerless to change it.

It’s interesting, because on an individual basis, all we want is to be happy, healthy and live our lives in integrity. We want to know that we will have a job to go to on Monday. We want to be able to feed our children, breath the air around us, drink the water and step outside our homes. Instead we have become increasingly alienated by the harsh reality of our world, a reality which creates conflicts between how things are and how we would like them to be. Thus we end up feeling dissatisfied and give up all hope of a better, simpler life.

Hopelessness is a hard emotion to experience; one we have embraced at some point in our lives. It seems to happen just before we hit rock bottom, when we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel or when life seems futile and we just want to give up. It is a natural part of the human condition.

Over the last six months, the feeling of hopelessness has become overwhelming for many of us. Every time we turn around there’s a crisis. Someone we love dies, we loose our job or our child falls ill. After the situation we are facing is handled, it isn’t long before another challenge steps into our lives and once more the drama begins anew. With this unrelenting pressure, we are left feeling tired and disillusioned - transforming the most optimistic person into a pessimist.

Today, the pressures being experienced are not only coming from our personal lives but also from a much larger community - the world of big business and the political arena. As we watch what is going on in the world we may think “What can I do to change or affect what is going on?” Unfortunately, in our state of hopelessness, the answer we receive is “nothing”.

Because we believe our lone voice will never be heard, we end up conceding to the futility of fighting the establishment. And in our sea of inner disquiet we realize that we are being coerced into accepting a system which does not support us and the greater good of society. It is from this perspective that we surrender our power and feel we are unable to bring about change.

It is said, that it is always the darkest before the dawn. For many of us, the truth is we cannot even see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are living in the midst of darkness, hoping and praying for even the faintest glimmer of light to emerge. And so while this period in human history may not be fun, there are many blessings that will come from it.

The good news is hopelessness causes us to go within. It forces us to reflect and evaluate our lives. It provides us the opportunity to uncover steps necessary to alter our life course. As a result, we find a strength which helps to build our inner resolve and restore our faith.

We also have to realize that we are not alone. There are countless millions who are feeling trapped, hopeless and at the end of their rope. What the “Powers-That-Be” don’t realize is that it is only a matter of time before they push us far enough into a corner that we will have no choice but to take a stand. When that happens, it won’t matter what they say or want us to do. When we determine enough is enough the strength of our unity as a whole will make a difference and a change will begin on all levels.

So for all of us, the sick, the tired, the forlorn, remember…It’s just a matter of time. Things can’t keep going the way they are. Change is inevitable. So whether today, tomorrow or next year, we must let the light shine into our darkened tunnels to lift the veil of hopelessness and despair. With this newfound sense of hope, we will be able to walk peacefully through the darkest of night. We will find through our renewed courage, fortitude and sense of self that we will be able to create a world of change.

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It seems the longer think we have, the longer we put off living the life we see in our heads.

You know what I’m talking about. The way you wish thingswere. Not that you want everything to change, just a fewareas of your life. And because you feel like you’ve got some time to kill, you’ll get to it -

‘Someday…’

I know where you think I’m going, and I also know you’ve heard it all before: seize the day, make the most of it, live life to its fullest, and on and on. But that’s the problem. You’ve heard it all before. These ideas have lost their impact and have become cliche.

Luckily, that’s not my thing.

I’m not about to tell you to live it up and then walk awaythinking all your problems will be solved.

No, the answer isn’t a catchy saying. The real answers wakesomething up inside you. They hit a chord and make you think. That’s what I want to give you today. A story thatwakes you up to the truth.

HEARD OF THESE TUNES?Here’s the problem: We think we have forever and a day todo the things we want to do.

Here’s the truth: We only have a sliver of time to put together a great life and need to get moving today.

And here is today’s solution: The story of Bobby Darin.

If you haven’t heard of the man, I know you’ve heard hissongs. Among his many hits are Mack the Knife, Beyond the Sea, Dream Lover, and Splish Splash.

In the span of only seven years, Darin had several top tenhit songs, was nominated for four Grammy Awards (winning two), nominated for four Golden Globes (winning one), and even nominated for an Oscar.

In a word, he was driven.

So what was his secret?

THE TRUTH THAT DRIVE HIM TO TRIUMPHAll his life, Darin suffered from a heart condition that developed from a childhood illness.

The doctors at the time said he would be lucky to live to16. In other words, his time was limited.

And this was his secret. He knew the truth. He knew what weall have such a hard time accepting: Life is short.

You can’t just say it, you can’t just hear it. You have to know it, believe it, and feel it.

Because Darin knew his time was limited, he packed as much life as he could into the time he had. But he had an unfairadvantage. He knew, without a doubt, his time was limited.

There was no fooling himself, no putting it off. It was nowor never.

And only when you get that kind of feeling inside you willyou enjoy the same remarkable life. So how can you do it?

‘WHAT CAN I DO?’To begin, use Bobby Darin’s story. Think about what you would do if you knew you only had a few more years to go for it.

Think about that right now. What could you do if you had that kind of mindset? Where would you be right now if you packed as much life as you could into the time you had?

Next, I want you to think of your own personal example ofthis idea. Because Bobby Darin isn’t a major figure in yourlife, his story won’t make as much of an impact as someoneor something much closer to you.

When you think about life being short, who or what comes tomind? Use that idea, focus on it. Let it drive you to makethe most of your time.

Life feels long and passes quickly. Don’t be fooled. Getout there and start packing more life into what time you have.

by Jason Gracia - Motivation123Get your Free Motivation Kit filled with dozens of quick and easy motivation tips and techniques at the Motivation123 Web site. Visit www.Motivation123.com now!

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Learn how to motivate your employees to become a team and accomplish more at work.

Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, once said, “There are two things people want more than sex and money…recognition and praise.”  Time and time again the one motivating factor that production and is at the top of most employee lists is appreciation for a job well done.  It is requested more than the green stuff, money.

Why don’t more managers, owners, and employees give appreciation?  Some people state they don’t know how to give it.  Others say they don’t know what to give.  Still others say they are too busy to give or show appreciation. 

I think this is one of the biggest sins of managers, being too busy to give appreciation for a good job well done.  Remember what the old transmission commercials used to say, “You can pay me now or you can pay me later.”  Well, that is what giving appreciation is about.  You can invest in your employees now and “pay” them with sincere appreciation and achieve even better performance.  Or you will “pay” later when you see your team’s performance sink, corrective actions, and overall morale decrease.

The following are five tips to giving sincere appreciate that will motivate your team to soar to higher level and achieve more:

1. Be Specific
In order to get the same behavior or action again you need to let the employee know exactly what action(s) you are appreciating. For example, the typical attempt at appreciate sounds like this:

Manager: “Mike, you did a great job earlier today. Keep up the good work!”

Mike:”Thanks” (Mike is thinking what is he complimenting me on?)

The correct way:

Manager: “Mike you did a great job on the report earlier today. I can see you invested a lot of time on the report by the detail you put in it. I really appreciate you effort. Thank you.”

Mike: “I appreciate you noticed the time a put into the report. Thanks!” (Mike is thinking that the manager really did read it and appreciates his effort. I will be glad to do it again.)

As you can see the employee has a clear understanding of what action the manager is showing appreciated for and he is motivated to take on the project again.

2. Be Timely
Make sure you show appreciation as soon as possible to the action you appreciate. The further the distant in time between the appreciation and the action the less impact it will have to motivate the employee.

Manager: Mike, the report you submitted six month ago was great. Keep up the good work. Thanks!”

Mike: “Thanks, I think. What report are you taking about?”

Always find time to show appreciate in a timely manner. Even if you need to drop something else take time to appreciate your employees.

3. Be Fair
One of the key concerns of students in my workshops is that when appreciation is shown, it doesn’t seem fair. The biggest villain of this is the dreaded “Employee of the Month” board. Many times when you ask the “Employee of the Month” what did you do to earn it they say, “I don’t know.” I have one action you must take when giving appreciation…be consistent!

• First, clearly state the rules for appreciation so that everyone understands
  how appreciate is earned.
  


• Second, be consistent when showing appreciation. If one employee does a favorable action and you show appreciation and another employee does the same or similar action and you don’t show appreciation you have just sewn the seeds of bad morale and feelings of favoritism.
  


• Third, always be on the lookout for “finding something good” your employees do well. Once you achieve this mindset you will always find the good and increase morale and productivity within your team and organization.
  


• Fourth, be pure in your appreciation. If you to show appreciation, don’t muddle it with other communication. In other words, don’t show appreciation for one action and then start discussing a potential corrective action for another action. This sends mixed signals that say to the receiver of this
  communication, “I don’t want any appreciation because there is always something bad attached to it.” Keep it pure!

4. Be Public, if Possible
Appreciation is not something you hide. It works best when done publicly. Show you appreciation in a public way in meetings, in front of team members, and management. The funny thing is that once you get in the habit of doing this many of your team members will increase the activity they need to take to also earn this
public appreciation.

5. Be Relational
When I ask the question, “Why do you come to work everyday?,” in my workshops I usually get “to get paid” as the first answer the students give. Then as we discuss it further it always comes down to “I feel like I make a difference” as the main answer.
You see, in most cases the reason why employees decide to climb out of bed in the morning, their toes touch the floor, and they decide to drive to work is that they feel that they make a difference where they work.

I remember an opportunity to emcee a large sales meeting for a Fortune 500 company. I introduced a Senior Vice President and he went to the lectern to address over 500 employees. He announced that the company achieved sales of $14 billion. Then he quickly announced that their goal for the next year was $17 billion. As he was talking I was looking at the audience. They were unusually quiet and attentive. However, as I looked at them they had a glassy eye look. I realized the problem was that the speaker was just talking numbers. He didn’t relate how those 500+ employees made a positive difference for the company. All he needed to say was how their sacrifice everyone translated in the success of the company. Along with this, they will meet the coming years challenges only with the talents of our
employees. So simple, but so rarely done.

Relate the action done with how if affects the team, department and organization. Let’s go back to our earlier examples to complete the appreciate process:

Manager: “Mike you did a great job on the report for the new computer system earlier today. I can see you invested a lot of time to do the research so that we have the necessary information to request the computer system. Mike, we appreciate your efforts because the new computer system will make our team more productive so that the department will achieve its goals and the company will be profitable this year. Bottom line, bigger bonuses for everyone. I look forward to seeing
your high level of work in the future. Thank you.”

Mike:”Thanks. I appreciate making a difference. Please let me know whatever I can do to help the team.”

As you can see, Mike has a clear sense of achievement and where he fits in the company. Also, the manager encouraged Mike to do the same behavior soon by saying “I look forward to seeing your high level of work in the future.” And the manager ended with a sincere “thank you.”

These are five simple tips that will motivate your employees to achieve more with a minimum amount of efforts. Starting today, apply these techniques and you will see a world of difference in your team, department, and organization. Remember, “pay”
yourself with the rewards now or “pay” yourself with a low performing team later.

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If you want to be more successful in any area of your life, there is one
single step you MUST take before anything else. Nothing can affect any kind of positive change until and unless this step is taken first.

Recently I came across the best written example I’ve ever seen that emphasizes the importance of this crucial concept. I don’t know who originally wrote it, but I found it in a great book called ‘The PowerMind System’.

It’s a poem called, “It’s Your Fault”:

If you hate your job and you DECIDE to stay there, it’s your fault.

If someone offers you a better job, but it requires you to move to another
city, it’s your fault.

If you DECIDE to save no money during your working lifetime, winding up
broke and embarrassed at age 65, dependent on charities for survival, it’s your fault.

If you DECIDE not to study or read in your chosen field and find yourself
never rising above mere mediocrity, it’s your fault.

If you DECIDE to spend more money than you make, running yourself into debt
by satisfying one capricious whim after another, it’s your fault.

If you DECIDE to waste all your time on meaningless activities, neglecting
all the important things you could do with your life, it’s your fault.

If you DECIDE never to read a self-help book and then suffer dramatically
because you are ignorant of success principles, it’s your fault.

If you DECIDE to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, then get lung
cancer, it’s your fault.

If you DECIDE to spend no time building a loving relationship with your
spouse and your spouse divorces you, it’s your fault.

If your life isn’t working out well and you DECIDE to do nothing about it,
it’s your fault.

If you DECIDE never to help anyone else in life and wind up lonely, it’s
your fault.

If you DECIDE on goals that are completely self-serving and you have a hard time getting others to support you, it’s your fault.

If you DECIDE never to pray and find that God works no miracles in your
life, it’s your fault.

So, what is the first step to success in any area of your life?

The first step is to take ‘personal responsibility’ for where you are, for
what you have, and for what you create.

The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you. You
can’t ‘change’ the past, but you can take responsibility for controlling
your future. All it takes is to DECIDE.

DECIDE now to take personal responsibility for turning your future into the future you want it to be.

Thanks for reading,

Jason Oman
http://www.JasonOman.com
http://HowToMakeMoneyOnDemand.com

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The Definition Of Perseverance
From a dictionary: “Persisting in or remaining constant to a purpose, idea or task in spite of obstacles.” Notice it doesn’t start, “Wisely persisting…” Perseverance can clearly be a both a good thing and a bad thing. Remember that when you find yourself wanting to quit something. Quitting might be the wisest choice.

Of course, the problem with the idea that you should quit when something isn’t worth the effort, is that it’s often used as a rationalization. It comes to mind when the effort is difficult, but really is worthwhile. It’s confusing at times, so how do you wisely persevere? There are three important aspects to consider.

Keys To Wise Perseverance

1. Self awareness: Notice when you look for excuses, rather than truth. Are you letting fear or laziness cause you to quit or procrastinate? If honestly watching yourself is difficult, explain your reasoning to a friend. Close friends may be more likely than you to know when you’re rationalizing. (Think about it from the other direction and you’ll see this can be true.)

2. Costs and benefits: To wisely persevere, you need to see the costs and benefits of what you are doing. If moving to Hollywood to become a star is going to cost you your business or family life, you have to see that clearly before you decide. An honest and good decision requires honest and good information.

3. Motivation: Once you’ve made a decision, and you’re sure you made it for the right reasons, you have to motivate yourself. In fact, perseverance requires that you regularly re-motivate yourself. Write goals down, do daily affirmations, and whatever else you have to do.

Habit is the most powerful secret of success. Practice watching yourself to make self-awareness a habit. Practice analyzing costs and benefits objectively, and practice motivating yourself. By the way, there are many good motivation techniques, so if what you’re doing doesn’t work - go read up on them and try something else. That’s perseverance.

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The most important thing a speaker can do to enhance a career is to become an authority in their specific subject area. You want to reach a point where people automatically think of you when they are looking for information on your topic or are looking for a speaker for their event.

To do this you must read extensively in your field. I believe that speakers are leaders and leaders are readers. If you don’t read then listen to tapes or lectures. You have to learn all you can and more about your subject.

When you read extensively you give yourself a distinct advantage over those who don’t. And there are huge numbers of people who don’t read.

Statistics show that the average person reads less than one book a year after graduating highschool.

• 58 percent never finish the book they begin.


• 90 percent of book buyers never read beyond chapter one of the book they begin.


• 20 percent of the population purchase 80 percent of all books purchased.

Many people who do read do so to be able to function adequately at work. Few read to excel in a specific area of knowledge and huge numbers don’t read at all. Looking at these statistics you can see that if you are a voracious reader you have a winning edge over others.

When you stand in front of an audience to deliver a speech there is a lot of presumption present. The audience presumes that you know what you are talking about and have something meaningful and beneficial to give them. On your part you must presume that you are an authority on the topic and that you have expertise and knowledge far beyond that of your audience. The only way you can be confident in this presumption is by reading and studying your subject thoroughly.

I suggest that you set aside at least one half hour of study per day. One hour is better but you might just want to begin with a half an hour until the habit is formed. Make it something sacred and don’t neglect it for anything but the most serious of reasons. You will soon reach a point where you know a great deal more than you need to know when giving a speech. This increases your self confidence and really helps you when someone from the audience asks you a question that you have to answer extemporaneously. Your comfort with answering questions will impress and leave people believing that the presumption they had about you being an expert was correct. Your reputation as an knowledgeable speaker begins to grow and so does your career.

You are invited to take a look at my speaking schedule at http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?schedule

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Over the past few years, I discovered a few personality traits about myself that I wanted to change. When it comes to relationships I have had a hard time changing. I am stubborn. And, I don’t like change. Sometimes, when you are set in your ways, change is hard.

Finding love has always been hard for me. I think I had found that special woman that I will wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but then the bubble would burst. I discovered that what I wanted from the relationship and what I actually had was vastly different. Probably my expectations were too high. I just wanted love, to be loved and to share my life with a special person. The women I tend to fall in love with tend to have different ideas. Some of the women wanted to be supported, some seemed to just want a friend and then some really didn’t know what they really want.

I found that I tended to stay in the relationship too long. I didn’t leave when I knew I should. I did this because I always had hoped that the relationship would change for the better. I had discovered that this is a false hope and never got better.

My problem is that I am was easy. What people call a pushover. It probably is a combination of low self esteem, shyness and having a really easy personality. I try to take life in stride. Even though I think I know what is happening, it is still really easy to take advantage of me.

My love life had gotten so bad that after my last relationship I decided I never wanted another relationship again. I was finished with this search that I have been told from childhood. It was the fantasy that I must seek and find the right woman to share a life with, to support and take care of. I came to believe that that was “garbage” advice. I would take care of these woman buy they never gave back to me.

But, Internet dating has helped me slowly understand and change my personality traits. I have registered with a few online dating sites that I had researched on Google and found on dating site directories. I did not go to to the big boys, like eHarmony or Match. I stayed with the smaller sites, to learn and get comfortable with this new form of finding a companion.

I first started with a dating site, which is now out of business, because it had a forum area. In the evenings after work I would go and log into the forum to meet new people. I met both men and woman and many had similar experiences to me. I felt comfortable, because, I was anonymous, and could make myself known only when I wanted. I guess this is the shyness in me. I then moved onto another site I found on Google and sounded fun. It turned out to be a good decision.

I found a community of people with similar interests that I quickly started to make friends with. I also was able to find friends in my local city and we started to hang out. We occassionally as a group would meet in restaurants and other times meet for drinks. It was a comfortable setting for me and a lot of fun.

Well, about 3 months after joining the dating site forum, I met a woman that seemed to share similar interests as myself. We made each other laugh and actually we both were in no hurry to meet face to face. We were having so much fun on the internet with each other we were afraid it wouldn’t last if we met face to face. This went on for 7 months until I got up the nerve to invite her out to one of our groups get-togethers at a local restaurant.

To my surprise meeting her in person for the first time was like meeting someone I always knew. It was a very comfortable feeling to meet someone the first time, but know all about her because we had been conversing on the forum for so long.

Well, to make a long story short, we went out with the group a few more times before deciding to go it alone by ourselves. It has been 2 years with this wonderful woman and I have never been happier. It took me 30 years to find the woman of my dreams. And, I am very happy.

Without the internet and doing some life searching and changing some of my personality traits, I don’t know if I would have ever had the courage to really search for happiness.

I believe there are people like me who are also lost when it comes to dating. The best advice I could give them is find a dating site you are comfortable with a step in one foot at a time and find happiness. Good Luck!

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